QUIT AND GO!

Dedy Syahputra Sijabat

Wake up in the morning to try to start the day, but feels like something is missing, something is disappeared. The thing that used to be the crucial part of my life isn't there. Where is my motivation? Where is my direction? Am I doing the right things? Am I doing the things that I really want to do? Why should I wake up every morning? What is the point of me getting up from the bed and going out of my room every single day? I don't know. Well yeah, I actually know. Deep down in my heart, deep down in my mind the answer is laying down quietly while whispering the words that I always tried to ignore, "Quit! And Go!"

It was around two years ago since I heard that words came to my mind for the first time. It told me that I am not supposed to be here. I don't belong to this place. Quit! And Go! Pursue your dreams! Do the things that will truly define who you are! Quit! And Go! but I ignored it. Yeah, sometimes, I did giving some responses. On one day, I would say "Yes, you're right! I have to quit and go!", but on the other day, I would say "Just be patient! This is juts like a puzzle, you have to patiently collect every single piece of the puzzle before you can fully figure it out!" Time flies and this pro-cons conversation wouldn't stop coming to my mind. 

Well, here I am now binding my self into pile of self excuses hoping the time will solve the puzzle for me. I nearly have all of the pieces of the puzzle. And, I can actually figure what the puzzle will show me. It shows me that I'm not supposed to be here. That I need to do something else that I secretly want ever since I received that whisper for the first time. That I need to quit and go!

Again, that pro-cons conversation coming to my mind. On one occasion, I would say, "See! You have to quit and go! You're wasting your time! This is not the thing you want to do. Quit and go!", but on the next occasion, I would say, "No! Be grateful! Look around you, there are a lot of people waiting for you, your friends, your families, all of them, you've got a big responsibilities for them. You shouldn't be selfish! Be grateful. And also, remember all of the paths that you've gone through, you've done a great job, now, just patiently wait, it is just a matter of time, you'll get the reward for the things you're now doing. It will be such a huge waste if you just quit and go!" "No no no! THIS IS NOT THE THING YOU WANT TO DO! QUIT AND GO! Ask yourself, who are you? Who are you really? What's your deepest, most secret desire? If not now, when? Whose permission do you need? What's stopping you? Who or what is holding you back?  When you know what you truly want, why don't you actually do anything about it? What's important to you? What's important to you really?"...."OF COURSE YOU CAN'T SIMPLY QUIT AND GO! You're terribly selfish if you do that! Your parents, your families, your friends, your financial situation, your social status, they are important to you, aren't they?"..... "Listen, if you don't prioritize yourself, how will you ever be happy? Waking up in the morning aimless, passionless, unmotivated, is that the thing you want? Why won't you just be honest with yourself? Do you choose comfort over happiness? QUIT AND GO!"